It’s the Little Things

Audio By Carbonatix

People typically prefer a quick fix rather than a drawn-out process of making headway in a particular direction. Instead of saving money every month to build savings and budget for larger purchases, people dream of winning the lottery. Instead of making the choice to snack less or exercise more each week, people are drawn to weight loss pills or injections. Instead of starting a new hobby and knowing it will take us years to get good at something new, many people give up within the first few months.

We want shortcuts. We find it very painful to admit that “get rich quick” and “get in shape without doing anything different” schemes are just not realistic. And because that’s true about our thinking patterns in general, think about how hard it is for us to admit that the same is true in family life. It’s easy to think that we can speak to our spouse and kids however we want to because we’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, or stressed. It is simple to plan on making it up to them with a romantic (in other words, fancy and expensive) dinner out or by buying them an over-the-top Christmas or birthday gift. My guess is that anybody reading this right now who has tried any of these approaches can already agree that they don’t work. Just like you can’t lose weight or get rich with a shortcut, you can’t un-do days or weeks of neglect or negativity with one grand gesture.

Actually, having an over-the-top celebration for a special day might feel like a negative experience to a person who has been wanting and needing affection and attention on a regular basis. If you’re reading this right now and realize that you’ve been a bit too neglectful, negative, or sarcastic lately, I hope you’ll take these words to heart. What your family needs is not a big, expensive night out. It’s a consistent commitment from you to speak kindly, listen willingly, and treat them as deeply loved and valuable people.

You won’t do it perfectly (nobody does!), but when you make an effort, your family will definitely notice. One thing I’ll caution you about is expecting their response to be to shower you with praise or for them to start talking about how much you’ve changed. Often, when people start making positive changes, it takes a while for the people around them to believe these changes are going to last. I like to remind people that if they’ve spent 10 years being surly and negative, it’s going to take more than 10 days of behaving differently for people to fully embrace these changes as the new you.

Don’t let that discourage you, though. Just like savings accounts and health changes, these little things add up over time to make a huge difference.