Keep It in Check

Audio By Carbonatix

As a speaker and writer, words are important in my life. How my message is perceived depends on the words I use. How I write a sentence and where I place a comma will help determine the meaning of what I write. Words like solos, bib, and rotator are words that are spelled the same forward or backward. They are called palindromes. There are words that when spelled backward have a different meaning, like the word “desserts.” Backward, it’s spelled “stressed,” and people have connected that when you are stressed you should eat more desserts!

There are also words inside a word that make a connection. One that came to my attention is “dangerous.” It contains the word “anger,” and it made me think how sometimes anger is dangerous. It doesn’t have to be. It is a human emotion we feel at times, but shouldn’t reach dangerous levels if we understand the root of our anger.

According to Dr. Peter Newhouse, who is my colleague here at Winning At Home and has spent over 25 years counseling individuals, anger is natural and normal. However, he cautions that it’s God’s desire for us to only use anger when necessary—to protect us and others who are in danger. In other words, we need to keep our anger in check.

What that tells me is that we probably get angry over a bunch of stuff that we really shouldn’t be getting angry about. Sometimes, I think it happens when we’ve held onto something too long. If our spouse offends us and we don’t tell them right away, our anger about it builds up. When it finally surfaces, it comes out perhaps a bit more heated than it should.

It’s not that we intend to hold onto something, but circumstances may prevent us from talking about it. If the offensive behavior happens when the kids are around, we tend to wait until there is quiet time, away from little ears, before we bring it up. Unfortunately, it could take two or three days for that to happen. In the meantime, we are simmering about it a little more with each day that passes.

The other discovery I’ve made for myself is that I can get offended a little too easily. I think that’s because as people, we are self-centered from the day we are born. Over time, we learn how to care about others, but we don’t completely lose that tendency to think of ourselves first. Therefore, when somebody does something that we don’t feel has our best interests in mind or they don’t consider our position, we might get upset.

When we look at every situation only through the lens of how it affects us, we’re bound to get angry more often than we should. Instead of letting it simmer, we need to look at the whole picture before we jump to anger. What are all of the factors involved? What could have been the motivation for someone’s action? Is this behavior out of the ordinary for them and should we have more grace to offer?

Sometimes, we just need to stop and really think before we react or jump to conclusions. It may save us some time and energy. We won’t waste all that time being angry or having to make apologies. It will also bring you more peace and help you win more often at home.